My Struggle with Anxiety.
Updated: Jun 15, 2019
This is probably one of the hardest things that I've ever had to write. For something so deeply personal, I didn't quite know where to begin because I've never shared it with anyone publicly.
I wanted to share with you my story about my own personal struggles with anxiety. About 12 months ago I went through a stage in my life where I felt completely lost with my own identity and questioning who I was as a person. On the outside, I got pretty good at veiling the pain and emotional scars with a smile and forcing myself with an upbeat attitude. But in my darkest days, behind closed doors, I felt like an empty shell of myself and belittling my own sense of self-worth with negative thoughts. Many nights I would quietly cry myself to sleep believing I wasn't good enough or special enough to those closest to me or to the people who I try to influence by making a positive difference to in this lifetime.
I always felt that I needed to be the strong one to lift people up from their own struggles and tell them "It's o.k. I'm here for you". But at the same time, I felt like I needed someone to save me from my own internal conflict. In the past, a lot of this was actually driven by GUILT. I didn't want to disappoint and let down those who reached out to me for comfort because I believed in always putting other people's needs first before my own.
It was then, that I heard a song on the radio called "Scars to your Beautiful" by Alessia Cara. As I listened to the words, I felt like she knew who I was and was personally describing me in every detail! One of my favorite lines in the song is when she says:
"And to all the girls that's hurting - Let me be your mirror,
Help you see a little bit clearer - The light that shines within!"
This was the message that I needed to hear which told me that I am UNIQUE. I am SPECIAL. I am ENOUGH. There is no other person like me. God doesn't make mistakes because we are all created in his image. Looking back now, I realize the value and importance of practicing self-care. From the moment I open my eyes each morning, I smile and give thanks to see another day. I have the love and support of my other half who adores me. I surround myself only with those who support my dreams and my gifts. I meditate to maintain my inner peace. I shower my fur-baby with love and kindness.
To those who have been/or are experiencing mental health issues like I have, I want to tell you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I understand and empathize with how you feel. Don't ever feel shamed or guilted into how you are feeling. It's o.k if you need to put yourself first. Have faith and belief that you can rise above and put back together the pieces of your broken heart until you're whole again. If you ever feel like you need someone to listen, reach out - I will be there to hold your hand to support and guide you towards the Light you've been searching for.